Atlas (prod. Billy Hoyle)

by Reasun

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about

I used to think I was behind and could never catch up to other people. Then I realized that there are reasons why my process might look different than some, and that it may take me longer. In addition to not being neurotypical, I was not raised to stand up for myself -- I was raised to submit and neglect my own needs. I was also sheltered and isolated in a lot of ways. One layer of this song is about finding my way out of that pattern and learning how to be there for myself, instead of trying to be everything for everyone else. I've been finding and staying close to the people who are able to support me through my process. In the summer of 2021, I was in the ICU for a diabetes-related complication, after developing Type 1 in 2020. I could've went into a coma, but thankfully I'm still here, and I'm going to keep learning how to hold myself up, instead of trying to hold up the world and everyone around me.

lyrics

(Verse 1)
I got a whole lot to say...
Got a whole lot to do...
Feel like I been playin' catch-up
But I ain't tryna catch up to you
I'm catchin' up to me
Parts of myself that I didn't see
yeah, I'm learnin' how to be free
Still learnin' how to be me

(Hook)
Everything don't last everyone don't stay (they don't stay)
But I'm no longer lettin' that get in my way (but I'm no longer lettin' that get in my way)
Can't do it all alone I don't wanna take the weight (take the weight)
Tryna hold up the world I'm just sealin my fate (my fate)

(Verse 2)
Yo, look at the life that I created
Ego got blown up then it was deflated
The golden child said I was a great kid
I was taught distrust and self-hatred
Still lingerin', it ain't gonna last though
I take accountability for when I been a asshole
A hothead but I'm learnin' how to manage now
Rea-sun, use the fire to his advantage now
Conditioned into submission
Inner voice hijacked I ain't gonna listen
Limiting beliefs I internalized
Took me over 30 years to verbalize
I was worried bout others not carin' for myself
in the ICU they had to bring me back to health
yeah, lessons from the trauma unit
Afraid to cross the threshold but I'm walkin' through it

(Hook)
Everything don't last everyone don't stay (they don't stay)
But I'm no longer lettin' that get in my way (but I'm no longer lettin' that get in my way)
Can't do it all alone I don't wanna take the weight (take the weight)
Tryna hold up the world I'm just sealin my fate (my fate)